Thursday, 5 October 2017

STELLA, DUMB IT DOWN!

"Stella, you are still single because you have raised your bar too high, you have set high expectations. You cannot afford to be too intelligent or knowledgeable because men don't like it. At the dinner table, you made him feel like you knew more than he did as regards social justice. Even if he didn't say it, I am sure he felt that way because he didn't ask for another date. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? It is a man's world, so in order to get hooked quickly, you need to DUMB IT DOWN"


 DUMB IT DOWN?

This was said to me by three ladies who happened to be my "hangout friends" at the time.
Hangout friends? Yes, but that is a topic for another blog.


I quickly asked a question, "was I talking too much?". They said, "no you were not, but you were sounding too smart for a man to handle".

For a period of time in my life, I was a single mother who was very comfortable being alone.
Unfortunately, the people around me felt that it was not a good idea to be single because of who I was (the nature of my job).
So, they would set up blind dates, dinner dates and other dates with random guys that they thought would be a good fit for me.
As the dates were coming and going, none of them came back a second time, and I refused to take the blame for that.
However, my hangout friends believed that my intelligence, and knowledge in certain things were too strong and should not be experienced by these men.

I heard the phrase DUMB IT DOWN for the first time from women like me, who believed that I should change who I am or act a little less intelligent just so that the man can be more comfortable around me.
Before I got into an argument, I humbly went back home and picked up different dictionaries just to be sure. This is what I found:

DUMB DOWN - lower the level of intellectual content or level of difficulty, lower general level of intelligence- Merriam Webster

DUMB IT DOWN- to downgrade the intelligent-ness of something in order for it to be more comprehend-able - Urban dictionary

WHAAAAAATTTTTTTTT? ARE YOU KIDDING?


Did they really say and expect me to lower my level of intelligence just to please or impress a man?
Am I hearing these from women like me, or are my ears deceiving me?
Are these the same women who post on social media, supporting equal pay and equal opportunities?
Why don't they tell the MEN to DUMB IT DOWN so that they don't make the women uncomfortable?

The next time I spoke to these hangout friends, I flipped and told them off. Not because of the way I felt, but for the fact that they would actually raise their daughters or influence younger girls to approach men with lowered intelligence.
No way! Not on my watch!
Women are extremely intelligent and knowledgeable, and there is no reason for them to act like they are anything less just to impress a guy.

If a man wants you:
- Let him be proud that he has a woman who is smart and intelligent.
- Let him be confident enough to listen to you and smile at your eloquence.
- Let him appreciate the mind that God has blessed you with.
- Let him be man enough to see how special you are.
- Let him know who you are from the beginning.

If he can't take the heat, then he might as well stay out of the kitchen.

While the other ladies are dealing with marital issues from husbands that have opened fashion stores for them because that is all they are assumed to be good for, I am married to a special kind of man who appreciates my intelligence.
He does not fail to tell me how I challenge him intellectually and inspire him mentally.
Even though he is more intelligent than I am in a lot of things, he does not hesitate to let me shine, when it comes to the things that I am knowledgeable in.

We cannot have double standards as women and expect the world to listen to us when we march into the streets screaming equality.
We cannot expect the men in the workplace to give us a chance when all we do is boost their ego by DUMBING IT DOWN.

If your intelligence level is high, and the man in front of you is intimidated by it, then please GIRL, RUN!
Don't change who you are to impress him and end up in a relationship that will eat you up, and make you become a shadow of yourself.
This is the reason a lot of women have issues at home and at work.

 Be yourself, don't pretend, appreciate your intelligence and live a fulfilled life.
If a man will stay, let him stay because he loves and accepts all of you just the way you are. If not, let him be on his merry way.
So, excuse me if I don't agree with the double standards.
I refuse to DUMB IT DOWN, and I will not allow the Young ladies around me do the same.

I am beautiful, smart, intelligent, talented and powerful.
Why should I DUMB IT DOWN?


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4 comments:

  1. oh this is excellent! Excellent! I find it ridiculous that it is women who says to these other women. I had a similar experience when I was single. A newly made female friend of mine at the time came to my house, she saw my bookshelves and was like this is the reason why U still are single. She advised not to bring a man to the house so he wouldnt see my books, either that or pack them away she said...all this so the man wouldnt feel intimidated. it was the most ridiculous thing i had ever heard. I chose to take her comment more like a compliment. It was very sad that she believed in what she was saying quite strongly.

    The man that can take the woman U are and even add to U will show up and that's all the man one needs.

    I couldn't agree with all U've written more.

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  2. I was just about to do a video about this! Couldn't have said it better myself! 👏👏👏

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  3. I find it ridiculous to hear a woman advise another to 'dumb it down'. Be it a woman's super intellect, her talents, her visionary mind, her tastes or her principles, they are to me the qualities that define her personality and adorn her being. Why on earth should she trade these for some lower standards or should I say 'an unreal self' as a passport into a man's heart? Women have to realize and accept the beauty, honor and power they possess. This beauty and power in them need to radiate to the world at large. Her worth and essence are needed for her to fulfill the 'helpmate' status quo for which God created her to be to her man companion. She wouldn't be successful in her endeavors to help her man in career, family raising, home building, socializing, or having her quota in nation building and helping humanity if she dumbs down what is inbuilt in her. Woman, stay you because your you is unique and very much needed for the world to be a better place just as it was in the biblical Eden days.

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