Sunday 27 May 2012


Have you ever done something then afterward you sit down and wonder 'why did I react like that, was it necessary?'

If you find yourself in this position most of the time, then this article is for you.

Some weeks ago, a good friend of mine was asked to preach at our church, although he claimed he wasn't prepared to preach, he gave one of the best and most enlightening messages I have ever heard. He didn't come and preach about the conventional '10 keys to prosperity' or 'Your Miracle is yours if you sow a seed'. No, none of that, he preached a simple topic, 'Stop, think'. He didn't quote the bible from cover to cover but the message got me thinking. Half the time, the way we react to something is because we didn't stop to think.

"Mr. A, is an A- Lister in the entertainment industry. He is married with 3 kids. He went to the Alphabets Movie Awards without his wife. On his way in, he sees Miss B a single, pretty actress, he greets her and they start
chatting and they eventually walk into the place together all smiling and happy.
He wakes up the next morning and finds out that a picture of he and Miss B is the front cover of Na So So Gist Magazine and inside they wrote that he and Miss B may be having a secret affair. This article was written by Reporter C, one of those reporters from my article 'wealth from your creativity’. Mr. A is furious, his wife is asking him questions, his kids are eventually going to hear this story, his name has been tarnished, so Mr. A decides that he would have the reporter that wrote the story arrested.
He calls the IG (of course he has his number as he's well connected) and he orders for the arrest of Reporter C.
Reporter C is arrested and because of this arrest, his wife that was in the hospital waiting for him to bring the money to finish paying for her treatment dies. His kids are moved out of their house by his wicked landlord and his world has practically crumbled.'

Now... Many people don't care about what has happened to Reporter C, as far as some people are concerned he deserves it because he wrote false stories about Mr. A, but how many of us would admit that Mr. A's actions were a bit over board for what was written about him. He's wife didn't threaten to leave him, she just asked questions, yes he's kids will see such horrible false stories but I believe it’s their duty to stand up for their father because they know who he is. Mr. A really didn't have to order for the arrest of Reporter C. If he felt that talking to his family and assuring them it’s not true isn't enough (which really should be) he should simply have gotten the contacts of Reporter C to explain the situation and tell him off if necessary. He did what he did because he didn't stop to think.

A lot of us are troubled daily by what people are saying about us and we allow their words and actions determine the nature of our response to them. By default, man is very territorial and we will do anything to establish supremacy over any situation and circumstance so if someone steps on your toe, you are quick to make trouble. If a guy drives terribly on the road, we rain insults on them non-stop. If we hear that someone has said something bad or nasty about us, we quickly want to lash out and defend ourselves. We also, instinctively, want to deal with the person spreading the "rumor". We are quick to send out text messages, emails, bb messages, twitter, Facebook, etc to "blast" the people involved in the spreading of the rumor.

As you try to compose words of defense, explanations and justifications of your own actions… pause to THINK and ask these few questions. Is the conversation I am about to engage in:

T -True? What facts are actually on the table?
H -Honorable? What am I revealing about my own integrity by how I respond?
I - Important? Is it important enough for me to validate by responding?
N -Necessary? Can any good come of pursuing this conversation or is it idle talk?
K -Kind? Can I be careful not to throw unnecessary stones at someone else?

The fact that stands is that people will talk about you, regardless. I need you to understand that it is not what people say about you that matters, it is what God says about you.

1. People may have said you are a liar but what does God say and what do you say?

2. Even the thief that was by Jesus side on the cross was delivered and he made it to heaven so who has the right to condemn you.

3. I don't care if your father was the strongest native doctor in village, let them talk. As long as you are on Gods shaking. Let the entire village stand against problem.

4. So you are 45 yrs old and you're not married as a woman and they are talking behind you that it because you have wasted your youth. Don't answer them. If God could give Sarah a baby at age 90 then do not respond to them, let the, talk.

5. Ok, so you are still jobless after 5 years of graduation and you are too ashamed to travel back home because they have been laughing at you. Hold on my brother because your change is coming. Let them talk because the stone that the builder once rejected will become the chief corner stone.

6. So people have been laughing at you at your place of work that you will never be promoted because you are forming holy, holy and you no they give egunje. Let them talk. After Efcc has taken them away, you will be placed far above them.

7. Mama, people may look at you and say that the church is small and sometimes you wanna get offended and tell them how God is moving here. No need to react. With their eyes they shall behold the manifestations of Gods glory in this tabernacle.

8. If you are here feeling that people are mocking you and your relevance. The scheme of things is gradually fading away. They may even come to you and spite you with it...Bone them!

People "will" go behind your back and say stuff but na dem Sabi!! "If nobody talks about you, then you are nobody, whether na true dem talk or na lie, my guy no worry. Stop Existing, Start Living. 2Face and MI said it.

If you must chop, then they must talk! The big deal is how you react to what they must have said. Your reaction either gives their allegations potency or you just totally ignore.

So before you jump on your phone and send that nasty text message, before you send out the email in your defense, before you make that phone call to "blast" your accusers...STOP! THINK!

As I write this to you I am also talking to myself because I am also guilty of the same thing. In the past I would react to negativity in a way which is also negative. So if someone wrongs or insults you and you do same thing, you are both actually the same. 

If you stop for a few minutes and think of the impact your hasty decisions, words or actions might have, it will help you control things better.
The truth is you cannot control people's mouths and what they say but you can control your own reactions. You cannot control their thoughts but you can control your own attitude.
A friend of mine is in a wheel chair today because of a fight he had with a bus driver who hit his brand new land cruiser. The bus driver came down and instead of begging my friend, he started to insult him. My friend being a hot tempered man slapped him and of course the bus driver took a huge stick and decked his legs. The Police came and even though the bus driver got arrested and sent to jail for ONLY six months, my friend will spend the rest of his life on a wheel chair or get artificial legs.

This is a very hard thing to do, even for me but I believe that practice makes perfect and God will help us all.

Stella’s Quote of the day: Don't let your anger get the best of you; it may just bring out the worst in you. 

Thursday 17 May 2012

My Mother, My Friend Part 2

 I received a broadcast a few days ago and I loved it so much that I decided to share it with you all.


"My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter. "

Last week, at the end of the 'My mother, My friend' article, I asked you guys to send in sweet thing about your mothers, here are a some of the things I got.

"God bless your mother Stella, God bless my mum too. There couldn't have been any me without my mum, an old soldier as we call her. Full of love and compassion. My mum is 74 now, am lucky to still have her. From making sure I attended a federal school, to visiting days, helping to comfort me when my marriage broke down and still believing in me is a miracle. God bless you mum" - Emmanuella

"Unfortunately my mom is dead. May her dedicated,humbled,beautiful soul rest in perfect peace." - Yetunde Mustafa

" Mothers to me are the best gifts one could ask for. I lost mine to a series of illness and loss of memory due to an after effect of a ghastly motor accident we had 3 years ago and I'd say she had 2 give up her life 4 us because we were hanging by a thread, my sister lost her arm n I had broken ribs which threw her into panic . Life has never been the same. She was my best friend and confidant and I miss her more than words could tell. She moulded me into the lady I am today. I remember some years back when my family had financial issues, she sold some of her possessions to make sure she kept us in school and had food on our table. She would run around whenever we fell ill and won't sleep till we slept. I miss her so much" - Nyelu

Thank you guys for sending in all these beautiful things about your mothers, whether dead or alive I am sure they are somewhere smiling at you.

Stella's Quote of the day: Let's not wait till we loose the ones we love before we begin to show how much we care.

Thursday 10 May 2012

My Mother, My Friend

My mother
I had Some  time to myself a few weeks ago, and my mind took me to my childhood.
Funny how time flies because it all felt like yesterday as I could remember some experiences vividly. Most importantly, I remembered the times I had to go to my mother whenever something came up and wondering how she would take it.

People tell me how strong they think I am because of my experiences and the fact that I survived a lot of things, but I tell them "wait till you meet my mum". She is one woman I am sure you would love to meet, I say this because I grew up knowing so much about life and learning about the most important thing "LOVE"
I had a conversation with my sisters about my mum and all the things we remembered growing up. It was amazing how we could all remember vividly, the wonderful things she used to do that have helped us bring joy and laughter to our own homes.

We remembered the special girlie dresses and shoes she would buy for us during the holidays especially Christmas. It was fun all the way because she would shop for days, then come home with decorations and ask everybody to try and design their favourite part of the house.  My older sisters remembered the times when she would take them all into the kitchen, put the metal comb on the gas, and one by one she would stretch their hair because then there was nothing like relaxer. That was the height of enjoyment as a girl at that time, as it made you become instantly popular. I laughed my heart out when my sisters were talking about the stretching comb era because I was not a part of that please *wink wink*. You see my mother had five girls and you know what it means to take care of your girls  and make them look trendy all the time. One is hard enough, trust me I know how it can be because I have two, but five is a lot of work.

My mother at work (She was a banker)
Chief Mrs Maria Theresa Damasus is the original strong, beautiful, elegant, incredible African woman. I always prayed that God would make me at least half the woman that she is.
She taught us to be satisfied with what we had and who we are. At that time I did not fully understand but as I grew older I realized that it formed who I became. People who really know me can attest to the fact that I don't try to be who I am not and I don't look for things I cannot afford. It helped me a lot because as an entertainer who has been to places and met people it is pretty easy to fall into temptation because you want to live with extremely high standard when you cannot afford it. My sisters are so amazing, they taught me a lot of things my mum taught them. It might interest you to know that regardless of who I am today, it does not affect me when I am with my sisters trust me. The level of respect I have for them is such that I cannot misbehave or say certain things in their presence. That is how my mum brought us up. She was the best wife any man could ever ask for so I can proudly say that my late father was a lucky man.

Our house was a haven to us, I say this because you would expect a lot of fights and noise in a house filled with girls, but there were no fights, no stress, very conducive environment to grow and flourish.
According to my oldest sister Shirley "she created a happy home for us. She is our friend, sister, mother and confidant. She stood firmly behind us and made sure we grew up with self confidence. We could be whatever we wanted to be, no limitations to ambitions, no pressure".
Contrary to what most people will tell you, I can honestly say that  my mum is my confidant. Truth is I can tell her anything, even things I cannot say to my sisters or my best friend. She would never judge me or make regret the fact that I told her anything.

My mother again
 My mum lost her only son among five girls in 1991 and we all thought that was the end. We watched her go through so much pain, but in all of that she did her best to shield Us away from her emotional battles. She also lost her father who was her best friend some years later. Then just like me she lost her husband recently. I cannot begin to tell you how their relationship made me tell God that if he can give me a marriage like that I will never give up on love. We were fortunate to come from a home filled with so much love and care, I never saw then argue because they respected us that much and were careful not to teach us the wrong things.
Even when it was obvious that my mum was hurting or upset, she would sing and talk about her childhood. It was not until I grew much older that she told me about marriage and the fact that the children must never see animosity between their parents, no matter how bad it gets, sort it out privately in your bedroom but make sure they don't hear your voices. She also taught me that man and wife must never carry a fight over to the next day. That was a bit hard I will not lie but I found that it worked like magic.
My mother would put a book on my head to try to get me to walk straight on a line. Of course I failed that so many times but I still kept trying. She would scream if i pronounced TH as T, give you a serious look if you didn't close your legs properly like a lady or if she heard a sound while you were chewing. At that time it was not fun at all but trust me it helped in the long run.

 She used to be an award winning opera singer and a stage actress, and I am so grateful to her for exposing me to all kinds of music and movies. My father loved music and movies too so trust me we had loads of Betamax tapes and turn table records from the sixties to modern.
I can go on and on but the most important thing is that I love my mother, my role model, my mentor and MY FRIEND.

Chief Mr Samuel and Chief Mrs Maria Theresa Damasus
Chief Mrs Maria Theresa Damasus was 70 yesterday, the 9th of may.
Pray for my mum and wish her well for me.
I urge you to write out the beautiful things you can remember about your mum and send to her if she is alive, if she is not still write it and send to me if you would like me to publish it.
Let us celebrate our mothers today.


 Stella's Quote of the day: Train up a child in the way he should grow and when he is old he will not depart from it. 

Thursday 3 May 2012

Wealth from your Creativity

 From this title you might think this is one of those inspirational or guide to money making kind of articles. Sorry to disappoint you, this is straight, frank talk from me. Might get me into a lot of trouble but i really do not mind.
I got a call from a colleague of mine who just entered the movie industry a few years ago. She is very beautiful, married, talented and hardworking.
She was crying on the phone as she was talking and I did not understand why.  It was about an article that was published about her in magazines and on the Internet. As I listened to her speak with strong emotions I felt so sorry for her because unlike me she had not developed a thick skin for things like this. The story about her was ridiculously hilarious because she was with me in Abuja as at the time she was supposed to have committed these so called atrocities.
I laughed so hard and said "welcome to the club my dear, this is supposed to make you stronger". She did not understand what I meant so I promised that I would explain when I see her.
One thing was certain though, a human being has been hurt, her friends and family are extremely upset, her husband is thinking twice about allowing her to continue in this movie business because he cannot understand why someone who wants to work hard and entertain people should be treated this way. I felt bad for them because I have been there too many times and right now as I am writing I am still dealing with my own media issues. My case is different because I have become my own person in my career and at this point I know what I want, who I am, where I am going and what I am doing? So regardless of what is being said, my life is beautiful thanks to my God who has blessed me and no man can ever change that.
Anyway it got me thinking about my life and that of others who have had unthinkable things written about them. I also remembered that there is a saying that goes like this: "there is no smoke without fire" . My new journey as a writer  has exposed me and taught me so many things about how some journalists have been able to use that saying to create stories about us and make people believe it. So you can say Stella is exposing them but I choose to say I am enlightening them. I will get to the real point shortly.
So this is how it works, there is a list of entertainers and popular people according to a lot of journalists who write junk. This list is in categories

1. Celebs who are A listers
2. Celebs who have not been in the media in a while
3. Celebs whose names can sell papers in times of slow sales
4. Celebs who like to react when something comes out
5. Celebs who have money to spend to kill stories about them
6. Celebs who love publicity and like to pay for it
7. Celebs who are very quiet so when negative things are written about them people are too curious to resist
8. Celebs who are relatively new and who have not been in the news

The list is longer but let me stop here for now. So it now depends on the target that the journalist has been given. He then looks at the list and looks for the celeb that fits into his plan to meet his target. For instance if his boss says, "sales have been low in the past two weeks"', it means that they need something to draw people's attention. The journalist then takes a look at the list of the celebs whose name and face can sell papers.

 He picks the one they themselves have labelled controversial and starts to think about what he can write that will have some elements of recognizable factors around the person that will make you think there is an element of truth in the story
Let me explain that please: if celeb A has a shop, just came back from a film festival in France, loves jewelry, has a black range rover, talks about her love for black underwear because she is light skinned in an interview, here is how this journalist X will turn the story around.
 " based on a report from a close reliable source, celeb A was spotted in France with a new lover whose identity will soon be revealed. We have it on good authority that celeb A was taken to the airport in a brand new range rover which sources have revealed was bought for her by this new lover. Celeb A boarded a flight to France where she met with her new found man who took her shopping and bought her black underwear which the celeb was showing off to her friends. The new ring this celeb spots on her finger is worth 2million naira and close sources have revealed that even though this man is married he is willing to throw caution to the wind by showing the celeb how much he loves her publicly. This show of shame did not stop there, we also found out that he has bought a lot of expensive things to stock her shop in high brow Victoria island. Tongues have been wagging especially with
the fact that the wife of this man heard about this escapade and has threatened to come and deal with celeb A if she does not leave her husband alone. When XX magazine placed a call to celeb A, she denied the allegation and said we should talk to her publicist."

 I just made this up and I am not even a qualified journalist, so you can imagine how a professionally done story will come out. Now also imagine any name that you know is a celeb and put her name in place of all the places I wrote celeb A and tell me how you feel about it. You see how easy it is to write something using elements that you can use to identify somebody and how it will make people say "there is no smoke without fire". Painful thing is that people will read these things, believe it without thinking twice, judge you instantly and start to talk about it with their friends who have friends, thereby helping to spread this story.
Truth is that sometimes there is no smoke and there is no fire, it's just the business we are in. There are some stories that are true though but sometimes I wish our journalists will do more investigative journalism before they go ahead to destroy friendships, homes, businesses and opportunities. I don't think they realize the amount of damage that they cause all in the name of getting a promotion or impressing their boss. I also wonder how some of them are able to sleep knowing that they have cooked up untrue stories about people that can affect the children and families of these people. I believe that most of these journalists that write these "fictitious stories" are very creative though, because if you consider the amount of work they put into the creating these stories you will see that they can be the best script writers ever. I am suggesting that they start looking into scriptwriting, this brings in a lot of money especially in our country where the movie industry is thriving, with out a script there can be no movie. They can also write for advertising agencies for adverts, jingles and then move on to writing for television series, radio dramas etc. The opportunities are endless as we must realize that that journalism is broken down into different types. Instead of writing junk to keep a job it might be better to consider things like setting up a small media consultancy company, become a publicist for individual and cooperate brands/ products. Your company can be on contract as the media department and public relations by big companies that need their products and services to be brought to the attention of the people.
If a journalist who has had experience in publicity, approaches an artist who needs good media hype, all he needs to do is to spell out the benefit of having a publicist who would take the media aspect of your business and turn it into a money spinner. This means that if he succeeds in putting the celeb in the minds of the people as a positive role model, the celeb can have endorsement deals,Called to anchor events, become an ambassador for different organizations etc, that way the artist will give a certain percentage of that to your media company. The more the journalist portrays the artist positively, the more these brands will want to employ the services of the artists and the more money the journalist will make.
Most of these journalists can also write small handbooks on how upcoming artists can handle the media and how to handle their public persona, sale of the book can also bring in money.
They can also organize seminars and invite one or two big media gurus to talk about the country and how to resolve the issues we are facing in  Nigeria today by giving people the right kind of information.
How do we get this present young generation to bring that change in governance if the media cannot contribute in giving them an idea of what should be and how it should be done?
I personally believe that instead of destroying people and feeding  the public with so much negativity, these journalists can make money with their talent and at the same time help in the development of the country by being innovative and objective.
Please note that I am not referring to all journalists, just those that write junk and believe it is journalism. I want to commend those that have been objective and truthful in their information, I appreciate those who have helped us one way or the other in the eyes of the world because now we are seeing the benefits.
Gradually Hollywood feels safe enough to come and work with Nollywood, brands can now  use most of us as brand ambassadors etc.
Let us try and see how we can use our talent and creativity to make money and develop our country positively. 

Stella's Quote of the day: if you want the unusual, avoid conventional wisdom. By leke Alder

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Just thought to share

Hey guys, someone sent me a broadcast and i thought that i should share it with  you. 

Its time we get our priorities right and start thinking straight..

" ​I recall as a kid that a man in my village became unpopular for engaging in money rituals just to buy the 80's edition of the Honda Prelude. You wouldn't buy that car for 50k today.

I remember as a kid, my whole street converged to watch a truck deliver a very large satellite dish to my neighbour's house. Today a dish one tenth that size delivers 5 times the value and is in almost every student's hostel room.

What of the Volkswagen Santana, Mercedes Benz V booth, all overtaken by Camry and Honda discussions? .... Vanity.
A friend declared drinks for the boys because he just launched the Nokia Communicator for over a hundred grand in 2002. Today that phone would embarrass the owner and is a joke compared to the low cost and everyday phone.

People still make the most amazing sacrifices over the vainest of things, make enemies over worthless material things. What can I say? Look back at that one thing you want to kill or die for today and see what becomes of it tomorrow.
Slow down with the sense of attachment and blind pursuit of things, for today's gold is tomorrow's copper...

The only advisable passionate pursuit should be the kingdom of heaven. It is everlasting. "

Lots of Love.

A Grateful Heart

"Happy Birthday Mummy!!!" is what I woke up to last week Tuesday morning . My lovely girls sang for me and then took me to my gifts which they bought with the pocket money they have been saving.  After that they assisted the cook in the kitchen and made me pancakes, scrambled eggs and sausages *yum*

When i went back to my room, I picked up my blackberry, so many messages where flooding in. Over 50 people had my picture as their DP, i have a friend that even changed her DP to different pictures of me every hour for the whole day (literally 12-12).  My friends bought me lovely gifts and I had one of the best surprises ever!

I was loving every minute of it then it got me thinking, after all that I have been through, all the struggles, pain, hurt and so much more, I'm still standing strong. God has a reason for everything that has happened to me and as crazy as it may sound, I'm grateful for everything because through it all, he's been with me and he's given me so much that I can't but be thankful.

Today I don't intend on writing too much, all I want to do Is thank God for my life, the life of my family and friends. Without some people God has put in my life, I probably won't be back on my feet, standing strong.

So I was just want to say a quick prayer for everyone that has affected my life positively, from the people who read my column, to those who comment, my fans, my family, my friends, my mentors and all those who speak words of encouragement and comfort to me. I pray that God would bless and keep you, He will make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. He will fight your battles for you and perfect all that concerns you and yours. He will clothe you with grace, His glory, favour, he will continue to provide for you and be with you from now till the end of time. In Jesus Name.
I am grateful for the way you have affected my life so I  want to say a huge Thank you to everyone one that has helped and affected my life for good in one way or the other. I am grateful and I love you all.

Quote: No matter what it is that you are facing or that you have managed to over come, don't turn your back on God, at the end there's still only one true resting place.. In God's love.