Friday, 4 October 2019

WHEN THEY SEE US

My son came home with a letter from school for a family day event that was supposed to take place in his classroom. Unfortunately, neither my husband nor I could attend because we had to work that day. So we sent my oldest daughter Isabel, who is 20 years old, to represent us.
Isabel agreed to go even though she had a meeting with a prospective client, who wanted her to be their official photographer, later that day.

I was already home before she got back and immediately she walked in I started smiling because she looked so beautiful, and classy. As usual, she didn't understand why I reacted that way, because she didn't think there was anything spectacular about the way she looked. I told her that I was so proud of her and loved the fact that she represented our family well.

When I was done talking she had this look on her face and then said "I was wondering why a lot of people were starring at me in David's school, I guess it could be because of the way I am dressed" She told me that some students who were the most popular in my son's class, asked her more than two times if she was his sister. When she got into the classroom for the actual event, these same students kept talking to her, and wanted her to stand by their table anytime she went by them. I laughed so hard.

A few hours later, my son returned home happier than ever and started telling us how those kids who didn't want to be friends with him before, were flocking around him. He said that after Isabel left, they all came and started asking him about her, his home, family, where we were from, and so on. Questions they didn't bother to ask him before. His ego was boosted, he gained more clout than he ever had, and it was all because his sister came to school looking like a classy babe.

My Mother and Her Colleagues 
Immediately my mind went back to the time I was in a primary school in Nigeria, Benin City, to be precise. My parents were both bank managers at the time. My mother always wore the most beautiful skirt suits I had ever seen; her hair was so long and thick, her makeup was never too little and never too much. She was my inspiration, and what we now call woman crush. I admired her so much that I would stare at her and smile as she got ready for work.

My Mother

Whenever our parents were asked to come to school for meetings, my dad was always present. However, on special occasions, I would ask my mum to come dressed in her formal outfits. I did this because most people were used to seeing fathers dressed formally, but not a lot of them had educated mothers who worked in a bank, let alone manage it. So when my dad came in, it was normal. But when my mother came, it was something spectacular. I had so many people ask me where she worked if she was Nigerian if they could visit me or even greet her, and this gave me such a confidence boost.

People started looking at me with fresh eyes and respect. They began to imagine what growing up with a mum like her, would be. I didn't know how this affected my classmates until they started telling me they wished they lived in my house and had a mum like mine, who would make them proud.

My mother asked me why I specifically told her to wear very nice outfits for my school events, and I explained the effect it had on other students, and how people respected me more. She wanted to be sure we were not just being silly and vain. So I made her understand that it was not only about the looks, but what it meant to see a woman looking like the BOSS, which could help us as kids to avoid bullying. The fact that people gave you more respect because they saw a well-put-together family; was enough to provide you with the confidence you needed to hold your head up.

Fast forward to 2019, and this still has the same effect on our kids in school. So while some of us may see this as trivial and unnecessary, we have to consider how it makes our children feel when they are at a certain age. I have seen mothers attend school activities in their sweatshirts, hair nets, etc. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with dressing comfortably, but we also have to consider what our kids and their friends see WHEN THEY SEE US.

Friday, 11 January 2019

DIAMOND VAGINA

Let me be honest, when I came up with this title I laughed my head off. I can imagine the look on your face the moment you read the title. I know most of you would wonder if I am referring to myself, or just in general.

Hmmmmmmmm!

Well, I am going to tell you a story of how my mind worked as a young lady, and you don't have to wonder anymore. I am referring to myself in regards to the title. If you are female, I hope you will also refer to your VAJAYJAY as a DIAMOND by the time you are done reading this.

At a young age, I was already a household name especially in Nigeria my country. I had access to places, people and some measure of influence, so it was not difficult to meet the high and mighty. As an entertainer, you feel the need to keep up appearances and live the life of glamor and riches, but how many of us can truly afford that?

When I was a single young lady, there was a period in my life where I was not religious or born again. I was not going to church or studying the Bible, in fact, I just loved God in my heart and that was it. At that time, I didn't do anything or make decisions because of religion or Christianity. I didn't really have time for all that spiritual crap.

I attended an event organized by someone I really respected and admired, it was a great party with a lot of influential and rich people. I walked to the snack table to grab something to eat, and this tall good looking guy came and asked if he could make me a plate. I said YES, and he made the plate, gave it to me and took me to sit down. We had a good conversation and then he asked for my number and in all honesty, I didn't think anything of it so I gave it to him.

We would chat, exchange text messages and laugh. So in my head, I believed I had found a friend and to be honest with you, I would not have objected to anything that could be more than just friendship if he asked.

After about a month he invited me to the BOAT CLUB somewhere in IKOYI Lagos. I got there and met him with some of his friends, and some other girls. These girls looked so expensive and glamorous, their skin looked like they spent a fortune on foreign skin products. I looked at their shoes, bags, nails and I immediately knew that these girls were spending the kind of money I only heard about in the movies. Needless to say that even as the celebrity among them, I felt so small and almost invisible.

I sat next to him and we started chatting, but the conversation quickly took a different turn. He suggested that I go with him to his guest house not far from the club. For some reason I was not comfortable with that, so I asked him why he didn't just invite me to his guest house instead. He smiled and said he wanted his friends to see me because he had been telling them about me. When I looked at his friends, there was something about the way they looked at me. It was like a hungry man looking at a burger. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea, and that was when I noticed that his ring finger had a very fresh mark that signified that he was married, but just took the ring off.

After that, he said he just wanted to officially make me his "baby" and take care of me. He told me how he would buy me a house, a BMW and give me a monthly allowance of a million Naira. It was a crazy amount of money because this was over two decades ago.

Trust me this was too good to be true, and there was no way anyone at that time would pass up on that, so I got excited and started picturing myself as a homeowner who would travel the world on a shopping spree. My day-dreaming immediately stopped when I remembered that my mother taught me to ask questions, especially when things seemed too good to be true. I asked him what I would have to do in return for all that he was proposing, then he held my hand and said "all you have to do is be an obedient and faithful baby girl to me and you will be fine"

I asked him what it would entail because I was not sure I understood what he meant. So he pulled me closer and in a low voice, he said "Look, you are mature enough to understand. If you promise to satisfy my sexual needs and be quiet about it, then you will be getting money in your account every month. I will even give you more if you make me happier by doing some things I like".

I was so angry I knocked his hand off mine and asked him why he thought he could buy me. The anger was so bad that he got confused and started asking me to calm down, so we don't cause a scene.

I told him I would never do it and it was not because I was righteous or a saint, but because he had no right to ask for my body like that. What the HELL? Did I look like an object or a prostitute? What did he mean by that? These were the thoughts going through my head and I kept telling him " you are a horrible person". I told him how I thought we could grow in our friendship and become more than that, but he just had to destroy everything and waste my time.

At that point, he got angry and said " who do you think you are? You think because you are a local champion here in Nigeria you can speak to me like that? You are a little girl. Do you know who I am ?"
He said way more than that to me, but I cannot remember the rest of his ramblings. One thing I remember word for word and would never forget was when he said " What is wrong with you? Do you know how many girls are begging for my attention every day? Are you the only one with a vagina! Is your Vagina gold?

I stood up and checked the distance between me and the exit so that I could run if I had to because of the response I was about to give. I looked at him and said " My Vagina is DIAMOND and you can never buy it. Not even with your life savings, no matter how much it is."

I walked straight to the door and kept going till I got to the parking lot. When I got inside my car, my driver Samuel was worried and asked me why I was angry. I told him to drive me home because I was not feeling good at all.

On the way home I started thinking deeply about this.

Are you saying that the same money we use to buy food and clothes is what he wants to use to buy my body?

Then what am I?

How am I different from the products on the window display with a price tag?

How can I ask for respect when there is a price tag on my body?

Why should I be the one to surrender my body?

Why can't I have money like him?

Don't I have the intelligence or talent to make my own money?

Why do men believe that all women want is money, and they will give up their body which is supposed to be priceless?

Did we sell ourselves for so long that it became a culture that men grew into?

Why can't I be in charge of my own body just because I want to buy THINGS?

What I didn't understand then was why men wanted to buy SEX, when they could respectfully earn it.
Please remember that this was before I became born again, and understood that premarital sex was a sin and so was adultery. I AM NOT advocating for sex outside of marriage.

As harsh and vulgar as this may sound, I have taught my daughters that the moment they get tempted to sell themselves short because of money, they automatically become those window displays with a price tag. Another thing I told them was that the moment one item is bought, the store has another one ready to be displayed and sold. That item is no longer of value to the store because they have many replacements.

The moment you give your DIAMOND to a man for money, you lose your value and in no time he will get a new one. You will become used goods.

What happens to used goods? They are either sold as second hand (used), or they are tossed out.

Don't give up your DIAMOND Please.

Keep it for the man who will work hard to earn it.

Let him put a DIAMOND RING on your finger before he can have access to your DIAMOND VAGINA.

Thursday, 3 January 2019

He Almost Gave Up

Welcome to 2019! I am so glad to be back here with you- my wonderful readers. I took a long break from blogging. In fact, now that I think of it, I took the longest break in the history of any blog I know. Good news is that I am back for good.
 

In the course of my long break, I worked on a lot of other projects, and I also started my coaching and consulting business. One of my clients was at a point in his life where he was ready to give up on his dreams and visions because of family and friends. As ridiculous as that may sound, this has happened to a lot of people and is still happening.

Have you ever wondered why sometimes friends and family don't value your talent? They celebrate other people for doing the same thing you do, but no one gives you accolades.

Saturday, 6 January 2018

HEY DAD


Prayer to me has always been something different from what a lot of people think it should be.
Others know how to use the big words and the Christian terms that I like to call CHRISTIANESE. Some pick a special time in the day, a special place, special notepads, special sticky notes and sometimes special fragrance for their place of prayer. So they end up waiting for that particular time and place before they have their 'special prayer time'. Don't get me wrong, this is a very good practice to have because, there is a time and place for everything.

However, I am slightly different because prayer to me is a conversation with God every time and anytime, anywhere and everywhere. I speak to him and he responds in his own way.  It's a conversation which is as simple as ever because I speak from my heart to his ears.
I pray in the spirit when he takes over but other than that I just talk from my heart.

Thursday, 30 November 2017

STRIPPING MYSELF NAKED

I wrote a blog a while ago called DATING MY ABUSER, and was shocked at the number of women who sent emails talking about the abuse they had faced. My heart was so heavy as I realized how bad things have gotten and how silent we have been over the years. One woman’s email really touched my heart and that is why I decided to share another experience.
Stripping myself naked in front of the world is not an easy thing to do, but when my experience encourages, heals and informs others, then it is the right thing to do.

I remember one day in 2009, I had just signed a contract with a new management company and they sent their marketing manager to take pictures of me so that they could build a press kit and other materials for work.
The man I was dating at the time was in my house for a visit, and we were both in the living room when the marketing manager came in. As he entered we exchanged pleasantries and I introduced him to my boyfriend who gave him the most arrogant and disgusting look ever.  The marketing manager brought out his hand to shake him but my boyfriend walked away and didn't even acknowledge his presence.
I apologized to the guy who was really shocked as he was sure they had never met. He was so confused and had to ask me if he did something wrong.  I was highly embarrassed but had to quickly change the subject as usual.
I say as usual because it was becoming a trend with my boyfriend.
I knew how arrogant my boyfriend could be but I didn't think it would be that bad.