Prayer to me has always been something different from what a lot of people think it should be.
Others know how to use the big words and the Christian terms that I like to call CHRISTIANESE. Some pick a special time in the day, a special place, special notepads, special sticky notes and sometimes special fragrance for their place of prayer. So they end up waiting for that particular time and place before they have their 'special prayer time'. Don't get me wrong, this is a very good practice to have because, there is a time and place for everything.
However, I am slightly different because prayer to me is a conversation with God every time and anytime, anywhere and everywhere. I speak to him and he responds in his own way. It's a conversation which is as simple as ever because I speak from my heart to his ears.
I pray in the spirit when he takes over but other than that I just talk from my heart.
In recent times, it became difficult for me to even say much because I didn't know where to start or what to say. As a result, I decided to start writing my thoughts and prayers to him and as I do that, the Holy Spirit would take over my hands and begin to write his response to me. At first, it was spooky but then I understood that God could choose any medium to speak to anyone. The response didn't come all the time but I continued to write my prayers to him.
Sometimes, I would look at the prayers and laugh at myself, and at other times I would cry or smile.
I loved the effect those prayers had on me and I was amazed at the response my hands wrote through the leading of the Holy Spirit, to comfort and reassure me. This birthed an idea in my head which was to write them as letters to my Heavenly Father which I call the 'HEY DAD SERIES'.
They are my personal thoughts and prayers, so I have guarded them carefully, but today I have chosen to share one of my letters with you. It might inspire or comfort someone out there.
It might bless and reassure others too
Thank you for another year that you let me see.
Thank you for counting me worthy of another chance to get it right.
To be honest Father, I have too many questions that only you can answer.
Sometimes, confusion and worry take control of me even though I try to fight it.
Sometimes, I am wondering why my plans fell short
Sometimes, I am not fulfilled as I did not accomplish all I thought I would.
Sometimes, it's hard to keep going when reality stares me in the face.
Sometimes I wonder if my loyalty means anything at all
Sometimes I admit I look for the applause for what I do
Sometimes I admit it hurts when it seems to make no difference
Sometimes I wonder if you even notice my efforts
Sometimes I feel rejected and abandoned
Sometimes I don't feel you near
Sometimes I wonder why you announce and celebrate others more than me
Sometimes I step out of your house crying and tapping my toes rapidly on the floor, waiting for you to explain all this and more.
Then when you meet me outside, I expect you to scold me for even getting angry with you.
Even when I refuse to come, you still smile and ask me "why are you so angry?
Why have you left the house of grace and mercy?
Why are you out in the cold?".
The selfish me says "but you abandoned me, you care for others more than me,
You celebrate others more than me,
You don't seem to acknowledge all I do to make you proud,
You bless others and forget that I am here."
To my amazement, you laugh and say "my princess, when will you grow up to see that I don't need to give you anything?
When will you grow up to see that I don't have to celebrate you?
When will you grow up to know that I don't need to applaud you?
Don't you realize that everything I own is yours?
Can't you see that you are the one who is the blessing that I want to give others?
Don't you realize that you are the princess in my palace?
Should I treat you like a guest in your own home?
Shouldn't you be the one to welcome and celebrate guests on my behalf?
Shouldn't you be the one showing mercy and giving out favors?
Why do you act like a stranger in your father's' home?
Are children supposed to get angry just because their fathers don't remind them that they are his children?
Don't they know who they are already?
Do children need to beg their fathers to feed them?
I am sorry for accusing you
I am sorry for getting angry and blaming you
I am sorry for my ingratitude
I am sorry for being envious
I am sorry for not acknowledging who I am
I am sorry for acting like a stranger
I am sorry for leaving the house
Forgive me, Father, have mercy on me.
Thank you for never giving up on me
Thank you for giving me another chance
Thank you for loving me unconditionally
Thank you for being a GOOD FATHER
Thank you for making me a channel of blessing
And thank you for keeping me to see this new month.
GRATEFUL is what I am
From your princess,
STELLA OBIAGELI DAMASUS
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Very beautiful & thought provoking piece, very inspiring too. Thank you so much for this, I will definitely emulate it. Kudos. God bless you real good.ReplyDelete
God bless you SD. You just wrote words for words the exact way I feel and talk to God. But mine it's always difficult to pen down. I just talk to Him. not the general way people pray but just talking to him when am Alone. Kudos sisterReplyDelete
This is sooooi good, am glad I got this from you again. God bless you SDReplyDelete
Wow...... what a father daughter conversation. Thanks for sharing SisReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing this ,it helped me alotReplyDelete
I relate to this alot b'cuz way too many times I've felt like this too. Thanks alot God bless you
'Can't you see that you are the one who is the blessing that I want to give others?'ReplyDelete
That line just about did me in. Thank you Stella for being this vulnerable. You have helped this girl today. Sometimes I dwell so much on looking for the answer to my prayer that I forget that I am the answer to someone else's prayer and should be about finding a way to bless someone instead.
That same line,'can't you see that you are the one who is the blessing I want to give others?'reminds me evetytime of purpose. U on the other hand ma are my blessing! Coaching me in ways you didn't even know of. Thank you for understanding that line and working with it. God bless you.ReplyDelete
I bless the God for using you to bless me this morning, I just followed you on IG yesterday and I went through your posts and all, from what I've seen you are STRONG! I know there were times when you had your own challenges but you basking in HIS love has covered all forms of challenge, like you said that you're a blessing that will be given to others, the manifestation has startedReplyDelete
God is set to do more in your life ma'am, just keep calm
Those who hate and scorn you will definitely celebrate you
You are an ICON
I LOVE YOU MA
keep basking in HIS love
This is called having a personal relationship with God.ReplyDelete
Very inspiring, encouraging, very evocative or remindful of who we are that we always forget.
This piece tapped me to a wake to rebuild my own relationship with God.
Stella, thank you very much for sharing.
Thanks MA for this piece of writing,it really touched me.just stumbled on it now that I need answers to some things happening in my life.I have seen another way to talk to God.I can't concentrate on my prayers now.ReplyDelete
I have loved you since my childhood and I love you now more.you are an inspiration to me. Thank you so much ma for this writings. My spirit is lifted.ReplyDelete
Wow wow wow spot on. I am so blessed by this.ReplyDelete
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