Stella Damasus

By Stella Damasus 

A young girl from my women and young girls mentoring club (Adiva) , sent me a long email lamenting and venting about people around her community and some of her friends. She did not understand why no one ever noticed or talked about her when she did something good for others or to others but whenever there was gossip and it concerned her the whole school turned upside down. She hates the fact that she is always in the school gossip magazine for all the unthinkable things but when her grades come out tops she is never mentioned. In the mail she was angry that her friends who had known her for ages never stood by her nor defended her whenever she had issues. She went on and on and at first I laughed when I finished the extremely long mail. So in my response I said " my dear with everything you must have read and heard about me, I am still wondering why you believe I can help you when I go through practically the same thing almost everyday". She responded and said she was one of those who would actually read and hear these things and believe them. She also apologized because she said it was very easy for her to contribute to the gist about me even though she did not know me personally and had never met me before. I asked her why she changed her mind about me and why she wants me to talk to her about it. She then gave the most interesting but very funny response. She said "well I kinda figured that if all these things they said about me were lies and people believed it and my friends did nothing to help the situation then it is possible that the same things could be happening to you".  So I said "are you saying that if it had not happened to you then you will continue to judge and condemn me without knowing the truth thereby taking God's job of judging from him?

 

After we had cleared all that I could not help it, I had to tell her that I was glad it happened to her too but if I have gone through it and I’m still going through but I’m still standing then she can overcome it too no matter how bad. I encouraged her and reminded her about an article I wrote earlier (type A). The truth is, good news and positive things are not sweet enough for the average mind. People who have positive lives or happy lives will not have the time to sit and enjoy another's downfall. Busy and successful people do not have the time or energy for nonsense and idle talk. They spend their time and energy in looking for ways, techniques, methods, and more skills to improve their lives, businesses, education, children and even communities.

 Isn't it funny how we always sit and wonder how things were created? In ibo we say "Ndi Ocha bu agbara". It's like saying the white man is a wizard or supernatural. We all know they are human beings like us or at least we claim to know. We also claim we are the same in the eyes of God, we have brains just like they do and the only difference is the color of their skin. How come they are able to produce and manufacture things that can make me talk to someone who is millions of miles away?

If we, especially the Nigerians who would rather sit in front of a computer to talk crap or the one who would spend their money just to buy and read something that condemns others can stop for a second and spend that precious time and money on something that will improve their lives, then the country will surely be a better place.

We spend so much on importation because we are not producing the quality of products we desire. We spend so much on vacations outside the country because we cannot maintain the beautiful place devoid of massive natural disasters that God has given us. We spend so much on medical care outside the country (for those who can afford it) because the hospitals are not equipped.

 

When we think about all this the first thing we want to do is blame it all on government. Well news flash! No matter how many rallies, associations, intelligence groups are formed; all you will get is the same thing we have experienced for far too long "talk talk and more talk". There are millions of people in Nigeria and even more than the national census can account for, and I believe that Nigerians are extremely intelligent, productive and creative. If we have more people looking for ways to make things better, to educate themselves more with things they are interested in and provide lasting solutions to their communities, I know that things will improve. The best heart surgeon in America today is a Nigerian, some of the best actors in Hollywood are Africans, the best footballers in the world are Nigerians, the list is endless so there is no doubt in my mind that if we set out to stand out and succeed there is no stopping us.

 

Look at the likes of Tuface, MI, ASA,BEZ, DBANJ,PSQUARE and the other amazing artists touring the world and acquiring more fans all over plus making more money weekly than even Bank MD's. Sometimes don't you wonder what they spend their time doing? I am sure if you see PSQUARE rehearsing, training, recording, touring, going for meetings, working on costumes, and writing songs you will probably pass out. Now please tell me if these people will have the time to sit and start judging or condemning others. They are talked about by other people but these same people see them and want to take pictures or get autographs. These same people want to shake their hands and buy their albums. These same people make them richer everyday. So who is the foolish one? The one who is talking and enriching others or the one who is being talked about and making money.  The most successful people in the world today were once considered radicals, prodigals, crazy, selfish, different, non conformists, controversial.

 I read a lot about successful people because I want to be successful too (God willing) and it occurred to me that if these people had not stepped out of the box the society wanted them to be they will not be where they are today. With everything the world said about Tuface and all the drama, he is still one of the greatest artists from Africa in this generation. People still did all they could to support him during his wedding. Some of the same people on the Internet who said all sorts were the ones who started praying for him and his family. Isn't that amazing? One minute someone is the most irresponsible the next he is the best and greatest. What about Dele Momodu who is the most respected and most industrious publisher in Africa, he was also talked about but did that stop the success of ovation? No way. In fact the magazine grew and became untouchable.

I can go on and on but I guess I am just trying to encourage people to let go of the hating, backbiting, idle talk and evil plots. Redirect your energy to yourself and your family or even your community. That way you will be successful and be remembered for something positive.

One thing we should always remember is that no matter what we say and do to others Gods plan will come to pass. A good example is the life of Jesus Christ. I encourage you to read from the book of Matthew again. He went through all he did to give us hope that even when the world comes against you, God has got you covered.

Who God has blessed no man can curse.

My inspirational song of the week is "Nobody" by MI and TUFACE.
Stella’s Quote:

I call her my Amazon queen because of who she is and what she stands for. "May" as my late father would call her and  "M.T" as her siblings would call her, is a very strong willed and determined woman, who through her life stood up for what she believed in.
I remember the stories of the Biafran war she told me. Hmmm that made my respect for this woman sky rocket. Hers was so inspiring and amazing that I had to think of ways to preserve her story.
She was one of those women who were told that her husband had died during the fight in another state but refused to believe it or back down. Instead, she carried three children on her body, one flask, one wrapper and walked from the east to the mid west in the middle of the war.
Her love for her family kept her going and gave her hope that no matter what the soldiers told her she refused to accept the information they gave her so she walked and kept walking till she got to his own village from her own, in the middle of the war.

My mum has a way of making you feel that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to.
She worked in the bank from the time I was born till the time she retired and one thing that always got me smiling every morning was her dress sense. I don't know if I have ever said this before but I used to beg her to come to my school for very silly reasons just so that I could show her off to my school mates. I don't know how she got her own clothes but they always looked custom made. Her skirt suites and extremely classy high heeled shoes. Different colors and designs and plenty of it too. She would never wear an outfit twice.
May was too beautiful to be ignored when she walked past anyone because she was very light skinned and her hair was so looooonnnnnggggg, thick and dark (color 1). Her eyeballs were lighter than that of the average African and the way she walked with her heels was so eye catching that I would put a book on my head just to see if I could walk like her. Church and God, she never joked with regardless of what your personal beliefs or preferences were. She would let you do what you want to do but only after you have gone to church and prayed to God.

My parents were married for forty years before my dad passed and throughout their marriage she was a strong pillar of support to my dad and all of us. They understood each other so well because my dad was also a banker from the time I was born to the time he retired.
One thing we all knew was that if you want to win a battle in my family you better get my mum on your side o hmmmm if not it will not be easy. Lol!
I am grateful to God and my mother as well for who I am today.

You see, my mother was the first one to recognize my talent and made sure I was a part of all the school plays. When we travelled to her hometown, she would make me sing in front of a crowd. One of those times after singing, her own father, my late granddad called me, I think i was five years old; he said "Oby my princess, you will be my star please don't stop because I want to see you up there when you grow up". I ran to my mother and told her what he said and she smiled at me and said " he sees what I see all the time". I was so excited that when I got to school I could not wait to tell my music teacher to sign me up for the school band.

My Amazon Queen is my number one fan and I love her to bits.
When I have issues and can't talk to anyone, she is the first one i call. Strange as this may sound she has been my best friend through the years. I tell her things that other people will never tell their mother's but that is because she never judges nor condemns me. She speaks to me like her friend most of time and tells me where I went wrong and how I can fix it. She used to call me CC which meant constant companion. I love that name so much and I miss those times that I would stay with her and chat with her all day.

Growing up and moving on has changed a lot of things in a lot of lives because now we have responsibilities our own homes and families and work. Pphheewww! Where did the time run to?
I could go on and on with fun things to say but I can't end without saying "I love you mummy and I am so grateful for all you did for me and taught me. I know I am not perfect but you have loved and supported me through my trying times. I pray that God will keep you in good health, so that you will enjoy the fruits of your labor to the max. You have been an inspiration to me and a prayer warrior. The best mother anyone could ever ask for. Daddy is in heaven now smiling at you and saying "May thank you for keeping the family together and for keeping the fire of love burning in our home". God bless you mummy, Happy Birthday, my AMAZON QUEEN.