Thursday 30 June 2016


As absurd as this might sound, I have battled with my own insecurities.

Most people who know me may never believe this statement because of the way they have perceived my personality.
I appear to be very bold and confident, more outspoken than most people. What they didn't realize was that SPEAKING for me was my therapy from those INSECURITIES, just the way music helps to heal the hurting.

When we started working on my debut Album THE ALTERNATIVE, I had a blast and enjoyed every minute of it. Almost two years of my life was dedicated to the making of the music. I totally forgot that the album would be released into world, and that became my nightmare.  
The few weeks leading to the release were the hardest for me and most difficult. Though I had to promote it with so much excitement, I was extremely scared. The album is the best thing I have ever done and it turned out a million times better than I expected which was a dream come true for me.

The reason I was scared was the fact that I was very insecure and doubtful. I was not sure how people would receive it, if they would laugh at me, judge me, criticize and mock me.
It sounds very silly but totally true and believe it when I say that it takes a lot for me to admit this.

If not properly dealt with, this feeling of INSECURITY and self doubt may gradually develop into a psychological issue, especially when there is no one around you to help you get through it.
I was very lucky to have DANIEL (dabishop) as my executive and music producer.  He called me into the studio and reminded me about the story of Moses in Exodus chapter 4.

When God called Moses in the burning bush and told him to go to Egypt and lead his people out of captivity, Moses gave all the excuses in the world telling God why he was not qualified.
Verse 1: but Moses protested again, "What if they don't believe me or listen to me?" "What if they say THE LORD NEVER APPEARED TO YOU?" 

These same excuses that Moses gave were exactly what I said to Daniel. 
I was worried that people would  reject the album and it's message because of the controversy I had faced in the media. Some people who heard I was releasing a gospel album already started sending messages saying, "what right do you have to sing gospel when you are an actor and a sinner"?
Others thought I was using the album to get the attention I needed to stay relevant in the movie industry. As silly and as ignorant as these comments were, I was deeply hurt. This made me doubt my gift and the choice to release the album.

Daniel then continued with the bible and said
Verse 2: then the Lord asked him "what is that in your hand"?. A shepherd's staff, Moses replied.
Verse 3: "throw it down on the ground", the Lord told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake. Moses jumped back.

God said he would use the staff to perform the signs that will make the people believe.
What  got my attention was the fact that God did not ask Moses to go back home  to get an anointing oil or bread, neither did he ask him to check under a rock for anything.
Everything that Moses needed was right in his HANDS.
So this means that when God gives you an assignment or job, he has already equipped you with all you need and there is no reason to question your gift or what you have in your hand.

I began to appreciate my gift/talent more because I know it was God given.
I realized that I didn't have to sound a particular way or like someone else.
He gave me a job to do so that the message of his love, mercy and grace can reach the people I can reach.

My responsibility is to use what He gave me and carry out the assignment as best I can.

I also learnt that if it is God who has given you the assignment , it is not your job to decide how many will listen, like it or accept it. That is entirely his decision to make because he already knows why he asked you to do it and who the message is for.

We can push our work as far as we can but we need to know when to hand it over to Him.

Daniel told me that I have used what God gave me to do what he asked me to do, so there was no reason to panic or doubt. Let God deal with that. 

I was amazed at the response I got when the album was finally released. I cannot begin to tell you the number of emails I got from people, telling me how blessed they have been since they listened  to the album.

We all have to appreciate the natural gifts we have been given and use it for what it was meant to accomplish.
Your gift does not have to be like, sound like, act like or move like anyone else's.

It is uniquely yours and yours alone, so use it wisely without doubting the power of what you can do with it.
INSECURITIES come when you make the opinions, perceptions and views of others more important than yours.

Everything you need to succeed is already within you, so your responsibility is to find out what they are and what you should use them for.

Get out there and be the best version of yourself.

Now my question to you is "What is in your hand"? 

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  1. Hm! Powerful message and thought provoking...

    Thank you SD.

  2. Really touching and inspiring.

  3. Thans for sharing this Stella. It's amazing how our simple conversations in the studio can become a blessing to people all over the world. Thank you for being you and for taking the bull by the horn to do what God has called you to do. You have and will always be an inspiration to me; your resilience, focus, dedication (and occasional stubbornness) are virtues worth emulating. To succeed in life, we all need a little bit of all of that. Above all, your love for God is betting what words can describe. Thank you for being you because you are God's gift to this generation.

  4. It's practical and inspiring. We all need this for self-confidence. God bless you Stella

  5. This is word in due season. Thank you for sharing MAMISTELZ! Let's go take the world!!! Amen!

  6. This is word in due season. Thank you for sharing MAMISTELZ! Let's go take the world!!! Amen!

  7. Stella sis, you echoed my insecurities in those words. I have realized that we tend to give more thought to what others say about us than what God says about us. That steals 80% of our courage and drive away...but holla! Thank God for souls like you whom GOD uses to reiterate that our hands are NOT EMPTY. Thank you Father.

  8. A really exciting examine, I may possibly not concur entirely, but you do make some really legitimate points.

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